A New Era in the Movie Theater Experience

Unfortunately the content of this post is not about the awesomeness of avatar and all its 3D glory, although those are sure to change the face of the movie industry forever. In fact, as I read in the article which I stole the above picture from, some "special" Avatar fans are so depressed by the fact that Pandora does not exist that they have even contemplated suicide hoping to be reincarnated as the 7-foot tall inhabitants of the perfect alien world. If you ever wondered who holds the most power in this world, it is certainly not the politicians. Alas, this post is about a much more dangerous and apparent threat to the movie-going experience...

Pizza


I guarantee you none of the people in the above picture contemplated suicide after this viewing of Avatar. I mean, how could they with the nose-tingling, ecstatic smell of a hot and greasy pizza pie constantly reminding them of the world they actually live in. Not even 3D can compete with a real life pizza.

How pissed would you be if you got the seat next to this guy? Not only is he of the larger variety, but any space you managed to keep for yourself was being invaded by a large pepperoni onion pizza (Ok ok, it might be a medium pie). But still, how did Tubby even get that box in? Last time I was at a theater I had to throw out a freakin' water bottle. He must have had an inside guy. God I need that kinda hook up.

I wonder how he paced himself. Did he try and make the pizza last the entire movie. That'd probably be like a slice every 30 mins or so. Not very feasible considering he's mid-bite when the pic was snapped. More plausibly he just managed a constant inflow of pizza for the first 30-45 minutes of the flick. At least in this scenario his neighbors would get to experience some pizza-free movie watching.

Why am I making such a big deal of this? I feel like this has opened the door for a variety of distracting food items to be allowed into a movie theater. Can you imagine someone chomping down on a bag of kettle cooked potato chips as Leo and Rose share their intimate moment atop the Titanic? Are they going to start letting people bring ceasar salads into theaters? I know lettuce isn't that loud, I'm just worried about the croutons. And what ceasar salad comes without croutons? None that I'd want to eat, that's for damn sure. All I can hope is that this was a one time incident; that this pizza-smuggling dick dack did not open up the floodgates of food into the movie-theater environment.

One final observation: Does our pizza lover resemble anyone to you? Look real hard. Take a minute and scroll down when you're ready.












Maybe Eagles fans shouldn't place the blame on McNabb after all.