Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A Series of Unfortunate Events.....In the Bathroom Part II

Ok - time to wrap this bathroom escapade up.

I need to decide what choice to make - do I do the poop walk over to the other stall or do I get on my elbows and do the military crawl to the other stall. First things first, I slide my backpack under barrier to the other stall, just to get the ball rolling. (I really need to find a substitute word for stall. I just used it like 10 times in two sentences)

After some internal debate I decide I've gotta do the military crawl. As I start making my way to the ground I notice a wall mounted dispenser full of those toilet seat covers. HALLELUJAH! I've never used those things before (I like the all natural feel) but right now these toilet condoms are a godsend. I take out three and stuff them in my boxers, pull up my pants, and scurry to the other stall. I make it in without anyone else coming in. MISSION: accomplished.

Well, so I thought. The whole situation gave me a "nervous stomach" and required me to get right back to business. Thankfully I have two full rolls of toilet paper this time. I'm thoroughly enjoying the security of this knowledge when someone else comes in. Please don't go in the stall next to me, my original hell on earth. Of course, the guy goes right in. What I am suppose to do? I'm obligated to tell him there's no toilet paper. It wouldn't be fair for me to let him suffer the same fate as I did.

I learn over and say "Hey man, I know this is kinda..." Mid sentence, because I had leaned forward, the toilet automatically flushes (I hate that! You will flush when I'm good and ready!!) Oh man, this just got awkward.

Guy: Uhh what? are you uhh talking to me?
Me: Yea sorry. I thought I should tell you there's no toilet paper in there. I just had a very unpleasant experience.
Guy: Uhh I'm just taking a piss man.
Me: Well, somebody is insecure

Ok...I didn't actually say that last line, but it definitely popped in my head.

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